I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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