I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
He is an equal opportunity slut.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
