fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
My brain says no but my pants say off.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
