Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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