I'm sorry my penis didn't work
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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