Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
