Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
4 words: hood of his car
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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