R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
