I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
