I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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