went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
