i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
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