I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize