just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
