new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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