I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
