hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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