yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I feel like death gave me a hand job
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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