I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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