I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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