Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
