DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
