Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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