Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
