I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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