guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I have fence marks all over my body
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
