Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
