I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
