Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
do nipples grow back?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
