I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
