If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
