I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
