he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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