So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
