He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
