how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
