i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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