just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
