I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize