she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
