I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
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