I'm really into asian looking animals
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
