Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
