Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
