there's paper in my vomit.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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