If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
