The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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