If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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