"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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