I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
