one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
