and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
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