no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
