Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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