Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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