Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm getting married
To pizza
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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