Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
