I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
