his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize