sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize