Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize