My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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