Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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