Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
