Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
