I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Randomize
