weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
