ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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