Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
