she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
