did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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