i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
