i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize