I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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