Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
