your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
