She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
