No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
