last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
