I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
