WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
