I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
