no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I stole a fireplace last night.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
