we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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