He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
two words...techno handjob
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
