There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
