mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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