And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Randomize
