Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
