I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
