burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Randomize
