shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
