i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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