Welp...herpes.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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