He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
