I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
