sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
is it fun? or sober?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
