i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
