ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
